Space Melons!!

Limon
San Francisco, CA


Ridiculous.

This place is packed. I'm not entirely sure why, because it's Tuesday...but none the less I went with some friends for tapas. For them, it was dinner. But for me, it was more to quench the dingy feelings of aggravation from the events that happened to me prior in the day. But that's neither here nor there.

While we were waiting for the rest of our party to show up, we were lead downstairs to start on a pitcher of sangria while waiting. Like most pitchers of ANYTHING, the one turns into two. The two turns into three at the table, and the three blossoms to a sweet and fruity four, for good measure.

Half chicken consumed and no trace of tropical panna cotta in sight, it's time to respectively bid this place fuckin' adieu.

On the way up and out, I caught this...let's call it, monstruosie. 

What's with these melon planets? Did someone that works at Pixar used to be a line chef at Limon and decided to spit out a little creative funk on the walls? Did Limon steal these from a home decorators truck while he was frantically staging a home that he needed to sell in order to make his numbers?

I don't know, but I was laughing really hard on the way out of the restaurant that night. 

Disproportional San Francisco Souvenir

Blackbird
San Francisco, CA


Ahh, my little neighborhood birds nest.

While sitting at the door; while holding what may or may not have been a flask of some kind of whiskey, I was pleased to see that yet again, Blackbird had changed their art series. And this one was good.

An ultra-magnified nostalgic photo realistic keepsake that comes in a matchbox.
This series of paintings are boxes of matches from restaurants and bars around the city.

This one is for Zim's burgers and hot apple pie, which was open from 1949 to 1995.
Next to it is a matchbook piece from Bimbos 365, a music venue that still exists in North Beach.

These pieces are huge, and there are a few of them. The artist really did a great job making them seem real. As if someone would try to strike a match with a piece of wood that big. Please.

For some reason, I didn't make it to the back of the birdhouse that night.

I'll be sure to snag a peek at the rest of them sometime soon. 

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Buck With Two AK-47's

Madrone Art Bar & Lounge
San Francisco, CA


Honestly?

One of the most memorable pieces I've ever seen.
I'm fairly sure that the first thing I said whilst gazing upon this beauty:
"I WANT IT."


Your eyes do not deceive you, friends. For it is a buck with two golden AK-47's for antlers.

With so much art in an art bar, I would usually have such a hard time trying to decide what to focus on? It really is like a splattering of ADD all over the place. Given the fact that people in my generation have the attention spans of heavily medicated flies, it seems to fulfill its purpose.

What really tickles my funny bone about this is its parallels.

Its like...what if you're sitting at home watching Bambi with your little cousin. Everything is wonderful and happy. You know that the worst part isn't until the forest burns down, and that's later. So you have nothing to worry about. You check your Facebook the kid is completely absorbed by the little wimpy deer.

You glance up, and see that a swollen biceps Bambi now wields two AK's, a lit cigar in his mouth, sunglasses and a bloody cloth wrapped around his head while he runs full speed into the burning forest firing every bullet he has.

Oh, and its all in slow motion.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love the contrast. The buck is so regal. Such a sign of nature.
And the golden guns?

Well, those are human. 

"I'm not confusing, I'm just drawn that way"

Olive
San Francisco, CA


It's safe to say by now, I'm hammered.

A mushroom and truffle oil pizza, cucumber one, two old fashions, two shots of Bulliet Burbon, a Stella Artois and three cigarettes later, I am in a daze.

My eyes are glazed over, as everything is way funnier than it should be. Low lit candles cast a glow on peoples faces. The low rumble of the bar is only interrupted by the occasional clanking of glasses from every which way. Accents of light draw your eyes to certain points of the room, and it's comfortable. Gazing.

As we saunter to the bar to pay our whoppin' grand total, I see an ink blot posted on the wall above. I can't make heads or tails (yet again) on what it is.

I suppose I should do more Sudoku or something.

It was until my friend Nicole told me it was a woman that I ALMOST grasped  it. My brain ended up helping itself, and I saw the big picture. Pretty anticlimactic if you ask me. Splash some color on her or something...

It reminded me of Jessica Rabbit meets Tawny Kitaen...you know...the girl in the Whitesnake "Is This Love" music video?

Look it up later.

Childlike Blunder

Boxes on a wallside

Olive
San Francisco, CA

Modern surrilistic abstract, yet very subjective. 

All words credible in explaining the general substance of this piece. 

Although you can't tell from the photo, this portrait is huge. It hangs, brightly lit upon the wall at Olive, a locals bar nestled in the culturally diverse and exquisite in its own way, Tenderloin District.

That was a joke.

Olive is a swanky little escape from drug dealers and homeless people harassing you around the strip clubs up and down O'Farell. They always change the art inside, as the pieces are always available for purchase from local artists.

The Cucumber One. Gin, a little mint, lime, basil, cucumber water and a wheel. This is what I'm sipping on after a long Friday. I sip on my frothy drink and stare at this painting and can't help think about Cat.

Cat Butler, mutual friend of ours had painted 2 large portraits in this fashion. They are modern, surreal and calming to the glance. The other painting that hung on the walls for a long time (now no longer there) was a portrait of K.T. Lang / Elvis.

The jury is still out on which one it actually is...

Three Eyed Monkey Strikes Again

Monoloco

Antigua, Guatemala 

Something that strikes me as odd about Antigua is their uncommonly large ex-patriot community. Taking a stroll about the town more often looks as if Disneyland installed a new part of the park called "Central Americaland". The diversity of ex-pats and tourists is surprising, as it has shaped the city itself into a pueblo paradise. 


An American sports bar in Guate. It may sound like the premise for a TV sitcom, but in all honesty it very well could be. Monoloco is the gigantic two story home away from home for those homesick souls searching for solace at the bottom of a beer bottle. Flat screen TVs litter the walls of the bar, along with cartoon paintings of a monkey...well...monkeying around. 


So there I was, watching the Giants play 3,000 miles away when I see it. A joyful little monkey. Smiling at me and showing me his butthole, as if to say "Don't mind me, amigo! I'm just a crazy drunk monkey!". For some reason, I found comfort in that picture. In that bar at that particular time, I too was letting it all hang loose. Just like the monkey. Going with the flow, indulging and enjoying the good company of others.


But let's be clear, I did not follow the monkeys lead.


It's a metaphor...

Signs Of Sweet Relief!

 

Estudio 35

Antigua, Guatemala

Alright, I'll level with you. This isn't really a piece. It's two pieces. And it really shouldn't be considered art either. But I think you can agree with me that it is, in fact...awesome.

Just in case you're interested, the air is wet and hot in Antigua during the month of June, both of which I love. However, this would often lead to various impromptu quick sprints for cover during an unexpected downpour. Lucky for Antigua, there is always an easily accessible restaurant, cafe or bar to duck into during such an occasion. Lucky for me, I ducked into this place. 

I sit at the bar and browse the menu for a while. I order a whiskey ginger. I smoke a cigarette. I order 2 pizzas. I have shots with some fellow visitors from Boston. We take some shots. The pizza gets there. We order another round. We eat all the pizza. We order more. 

Now, I'm sure you can guess where the course of this is heading. The good ol' "break the seal?" conundrum rears its ugly head. The outcome, as always...is a quick and careful stagger to the restroom. I stood outside two doors, staring them down. Was I mistaken? Is it down the hall somewhere? Am I shitfaced? 

After what seemed like an hour of contemplating sobriety and my sanity, I laughed out loud as a sense of eureka came over me. It's so simple, and comes across so clear. So clear, that it strikes us as unclear. In my opinion, it seems a little more practical than delineating the sex of two identical stick figures by slapping a skirt on one. Stupid. Let's spread it. 

Nice Day For A Nightcap.

Era Art Bar & Lounge

Oakland, CA

If you're a fan of Wes Andersons work, you are A-OK in my book. 

Oddly enough, the first thing I noticed about this little jem was the fact it was the same color as the cocktail I ordered. Crimson. Like my Negroni. A perfectible aperitief best drank after eating a good meal; in this case an enormous monte cristo with pork belly, chipotle aoili and cole slaw from Dogwood...

...I digress.

While sipping on my drink, I was thrown into recollection. I was familiar with the scene. Margrot and Richie. Margrot gets off a bus. Soft guitar begins to strum. Richie sits waiting, watching her walk closer. They stop in front of each other. "It's nice to see you too." Welcome home.

I guess in short, this picture was tells me welcome home. After what felt like ages, welcome back to wherever.. or whoever it may be. 

Authentic 'Nawlins Feeling. Sans The Hurricane.

Brenda's French Soulfood
San Francisco, CA

I've never been to New Orleans, and it's a damn shame I haven't.

I heard that you can order an alcoholic beverage at some drive-thru restaurants, but they will not provide you a straw because they don't want you to drink and drive...Ha!

Aside from its obvious merits, the city has a lot of soul. So much that the name is in the type of cooking. Soul food has a hearty, greasy place in my heart that can only be quenched with more biscuits and gravy. Brenda's fills that void for me. Praise the Lord, hallelujah!

To me, this wall piece offers a warm smile from a simple time. Its nostalgic advertising aesthetic remains timeless, as visions and smells of crawfish and saltwater come to mind. Forget Burbon Street. Forget the floats, Mardi Gras, beaded titties. This piece makes me forget it all. This takes me to a backyard bayou barbeque, harmonica squealing in perfect harmony with the hum of tipsy chatter.

Oh yea.

What An Odd Place To Store Oxygen...

 

Spoontonic

Walnut Creek, CA

Fan-tastic. 

Alright, so I'll come right out and say it. I'm a total space nerd. Planets and stars. Planets and stars.  I mean, I have a Star Wars themed tattoo for God sakes...

So when you walk into the dimly lit 80's throwback dive bar in the suburbs, you see it. Odd, because it blends in so perfectly to the color scheme of the room. But let's be serious. It's because there's a bangin' naked robotic chick floating in space on it. 

Quite the attraction for drunk and rowdy "Class Of" whatevers who come here most. But while visiting, I wanted to make a point to remember this image. 

Her face and hair remind me from something out of X-Men. Her hair, Jean Grey. But her eyes are definitely Storm. The ends of her legs and arms, bending as if they still have movement. They remind me of city buildings with colored windows. With people living in them, floating through space as a symbiotic entity on its host. The girl in space. 

Too far fetched?